Happy 101: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow, Part I

I have this theory about hair: If you cut it, it will grow back. It's true! Unless it's your Barbie's hair that you've cut down to the little rubber scalp. That hair does not grow back. I learned this when I was four and playing Barbie Beauty Shop and ended up with a bunch of semi-bald dolls that were such a turn-off to Ken that he wouldn't go into the Barbie camper with them anymore. Of course I have some other theories about Ken but I'll save them for another day.

Back to hair. I was so excited when my mom took me to the "beauty parlor" to get a shag/gypsy cut. I was seven and I was going to be cool.

(Pretty sure I didn't want to look like Jane Fonda when I was in the second grade, but this is the only celebrity picture I could find)

What happened was NOT cool.

I remember staring in the mirror with horror and then bursting into tears while my mom tried to assure the distraught hair dresser that I loved it and that I was sobbing with joy. I had a bowl cut with a tail in the back.

Okay. It wasn't as bad as that but it was pretty awful.

My mom did the best she could to fix it before school pictures the next day but as my sister can attest (i.e. the great bang incident of 1972) my mom has little talent when it come to cutting hair.

I guess I got over it because I've become somewhat glib about hair. I have had hair to my waist and hair that didn't touch my collar. I've worn it straight and rocked an 80s perm.

MY BIG ASS HAIR

I actually started going gray in high school so I've always colored my hair out of necessity. I've been brunette, blonde, and auburn.

Tomorrow I am going to get my hair cut and embrace my hair's natural waviness. I am just tired of using a flat iron or sticking it up in a ponytail. I don't want to go short because I am in the middle of growing it out ONE MORE TIME while it's still age appropriate. Age appropriate was of course said in my mother's voice.

I have no doubt that with the perfect haircut I will magically lose 10 (ahem) pounds and be mistaken for Rose Byrne (my lady crush) on a regular basis.